[Choose your difficulty level...]

Choose your difficulty level:

[....] Justin Bieber
[....] Very Easy
[....] Easy
[....] Normal
[....] Hard
[....] Very hard
[....] Asian

[Adolescent Argument]

Hispanic Kid: “Shut up, that’s why ya mom’s retarded…”

Black Kid: “Ok, but your mom is mad strong for no reason and can probably backstroke through mud…”

Hispanic Kid: “Umm, but your mom is mad old, farts dust, and spits out dead flies…”

Black Kid: “Oook, but YOUR mom has a goatee and wears a du-rag……”

[Excuse me Ladies & Gentlmen]

Adolescent enters subway car:

“Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, my name is James. I’m not selling candy for my school or basketball team, I’m just trying to keep money in my pockets and keep myself off the streets”…

My immediate thoughts:

Ok, so number 1, I don’t want to consume your cavity and diabetes inducing candy, 2, you ARE on the streets, and 3, rattling your box of expired M&Ms in my face while I’m deeply engaged in a novel whilst also listening to music on my noise cancellation headphones, is in no way going to make me buy anything from you………..ever……………….

[Wholefoods Conversation]

Taller Guy: “Mmm mmm…She’ got a badoinkydoink”

Shorter Guy: “Ba-Doinky-Doink?!……Don’t you mean Ba-Donka-Donk”

Taller guy: “Nah man, she doesn’t have enough booty for it to be a full badonkadonk”

[Conversation with 5 year old girl]

5 year old: “Oooo look at the moon…!”

Me: “Woe, yea it’s really bright and close tonight”

5 year old: “It’s beautiful!”

Me: “Yea, my father and I were looking at it earlier in the day, but it was over there *points to different section of sky*

5 year old: “That’s because the Earth spins”

Me: “Yea, I know…”

5 year old: “Really?! How did you know that?!”

Me: “………………”

O_o

[Escalator Conversation]

Blonde: “Umm what are you doing with your tongue?”

Redhead: “I don’t know…My mouth just feels disgusting”

Blonde: “What?! How?!”

Redhead: “My teeth feel like they have carpets on them…”

O_o

[Office Conversation]

Girl: “Oh my gosh, that tall blonde girl always scares me. I run into her around the office all the time. She’s like so ninja like. Like I can never hear her coming”

Guy: “Haha…Yea, she’s super stealthy…I don’t even know what her name is…”

Girl: “Oh my gosh, you know who is like uber ninja?! You know that Asian girl who sits over there?!”

Guy: “O_o Well she’s obviously a ninja……….But no I have no idea who you’re talking about……”

[Train Conversation]

(Group of Tweny-something-year-old Asians)

Girl: “Yo they have a new Nemo movie coming out finally”

Guy 1: “Oh yeah!!! Finding Dora”

Guy 2: “Wait, no, it’s finding Dory”

Guy 1: “Wait, what? Dora finds fish?”

Guy 2: “No! Dora finds people…!”

O_o

[Elevator Conversation]

[One female tells another female (who is extremely sick and on antibiotics) that it is completely ok to consume alcohol whilst on antibiotics; and that she should come out and drink, as there has been no scientific evidence proving negative side affects against such......] O_o

[Elevator Freefall]

Maybe I should start by saying that today, I rode the elevator in my office building from the 38th Floor to the Lobby Floor during which there were no stops.

This resulted in me jumping up and down trying to see if I would temporarily float/hover in the air.

I realized 1) this is not possible, and 2) there are cameras in each elevator allowing the Security Guards in the lobby to see everything you do………..