[Excuse me Ladies & Gentlmen]

Adolescent enters subway car:

“Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, my name is James. I’m not selling candy for my school or basketball team, I’m just trying to keep money in my pockets and keep myself off the streets”…

My immediate thoughts:

Ok, so number 1, I don’t want to consume your cavity and diabetes inducing candy, 2, you ARE on the streets, and 3, rattling your box of expired M&Ms in my face while I’m deeply engaged in a novel whilst also listening to music on my noise cancellation headphones, is in no way going to make me buy anything from you………..ever……………….

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